


this night where the stars are asleep

by Peabean



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: A Christmas Carol AU!, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - A Christmas Carol, Choi Beomgyu-Centric, Family Dynamics, Lowkey angst?, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, beomgyu yeonjun and soobin are brothers!, but based off the barbie movie lol, but not really, ignore the crappy title, this was supposed to be for christmas but i didn't make it in time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28381548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peabean/pseuds/Peabean
Summary: Every year, the three spirits of Christmas looked down upon Magic Island, and deemed the Choi heir worthy of their prayers, gifting the small town of Magic Island great fortune and success.But one year, this tradition changed.One year, the three spirits of Christmas looked down upon the chosen Choi heir, and deemed him unworthy.One year, Choi Beomgyu was rejected by the spirits of Christmas, potentially sending Magic Island into its most disastrous year in history.But this was also the year that five friends, distanced over time and separated by their growing differences, reconciled through their memories of the past, present and future.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu & Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu & Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun & Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Choi Beomgyu & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu & Huening Kai, Choi Beomgyu & Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun, Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	1. magic island

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello! this is probably the first fic ive written in almost a year hahaha...
> 
> i had a sudden urge to write a christmas carol au for txt but the only source material i knew of was the barbie movie... hence this mess. (WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE CHRISTMAS AUS THAT GIVE ME INSPIRTATION TO WRITE??)
> 
> i really hope that you all like this idea! its the first fic i've semi-planned so i hope it meets your standards! ive planned for around five or so chapters but that could change hahaha. (depending on whether i end up writing it or not or if things get longer or shorter than i intended!) i also hope the characterisation is okay, as i havent written for txt before! 
> 
> ALSO! quick note before we begin. DO NOT associate the actual members of txt with the characterised versions of them in this fic or any other fic! this is just a representation of them and not how they would actually act and think! remember that we do not know anything of their lives and personalities off-camera, so be respectful and not assume things based on fics you've read! 
> 
> anyways! i hope you enjoy!!! :D

The night was cold, the winding roads covered by a blanket of white snow, the streetlamps illuminating the darkness. The streets were almost empty, the citizens of Magic Island— a town located on a small island just north of the main city— crowded together in the town’s pride and joy, the _Star Theatre._ There was a tradition in this town, said to have been passed on through the Choi family; the most prosperous family in the state which held custody of Magic Island. This tradition stated that every year, one of the three heirs to the Choi family would sing on Christmas Eve, wishing for good health to all and the town to flourish in the coming year.

Every year, the three spirits of Christmas looked down upon Magic Island, and deemed the Choi heir worthy of their prayers, gifting the town with healthy land for crops and protecting the life the citizens of Magic Island had built for themselves on the small section of land they called home.

But one year, this tradition changed. One year, the three spirits of Christmas looked down upon the chosen Choi heir, and deemed him unworthy. One year, Choi Beomgyu was rejected by the spirits of Christmas, potentially sending Magic Island into its most disastrous year in history.

But this was also the year that five friends, distanced over time and separated by their growing differences, reconciled through their memories of the past, present and future.

─── ∙ **❅** ∙ ───

Choi Beomgyu was the third son of the Choi family, the youngest out of three and the one everyone seemed to forget. He wasn’t someone who was just naturally good at everything like Choi Yeonjun, or the singer that everyone seemed to swoon over like Choi Soobin, the famous _Fairy of Shampoo._ He wasn’t even the one to reach a diplomatic peace between neighbouring towns when things got rough between Magic Island and the main city like Kang Taehyun had, always having a way with words that Beomgyu could only dream of. Huening Kai had always seemed to be the one people asked for advice instead of Beomgyu, and no matter how much he wanted to provide comfort to others, Huening Kai was more inviting, more angelic, more successful in sorting out disagreements.

Compared to the other main figures of the town, Beomgyu was honestly quite underwhelming.

So, Beomgyu wondered, why was he chosen to sing for the spirits of Christmas this year? Why not Yeonjun or Soobin, who could charm the whole town with their voices? Or one of the background singers of the _Star Theatre,_ who could appeal to the spirits for better results? Why Beomgyu?

Beomgyu sighed to himself, petting Toto’s feathery head softly. Really, deep down, he knew why. A sudden accident left both Yeonjun and Soobin unable to perform as of currently, needing Beomgyu to step in as the _Fairy of Shampoo_ this year, a last resort since Yeonjun was also out of the question. As if it would be anything else. But even if the circumstances were too suspicious to ignore, Beomgyu still felt an uneasy twinge in his stomach at the prospect that he was only chosen because Yeonjun and Soobin were injured.

“You’d choose me to perform, wouldn’t you Toto?” Beomgyu mumbled more to himself than the parrot, but Toto still nodded anyway, even if they might not have understood what Beomgyu said in the first place. “Maybe you could even join me. We’d be the best performers in Magic Island, and then Yeonjun and Soobin can be the ones feeling jealous for once.”

Thinking like this, full of jealousy and resentment certainly wouldn’t paint him in a very good light for The Spirits of Christmas would it? But Beomgyu couldn’t help it, not when he was so frequently pushed aside to let his two brothers shine. Even if he dreamed of having the fame that Soobin had as the _Fairy of Shampoo,_ he didn’t want to experience it like this.

There was an abrupt knock at the door which startled Beomgyu out of his thoughts. Beomgyu cleared his throat and called out a short, “come in,” before the door opened a fraction, revealing the bright eyes of Huening Kai, _Star Theatre’s_ costume designer and Beomgyu’s oldest friend.

“Kai.” Beomgyu said curtly, not in the mood for company, “What are you doing here?”

Kai smiled sheepishly, “It’s almost time for your performance. I’ve come to deliver your costume.” He held out his arms, the colourful costume draped over them. Beomgyu noticed it was the same one Soobin wore, when he performed as the _Fairy of Shampoo,_ and irritation seeped through his skin. “Please ring the bell when you have finished preparing.” Kai continued, gesturing to the metal bell on the dressing table, seeming to not notice Beomgyu’s darkening mood. “The show’s almost starting.”

Beomgyu glared at Kai and the stupid costume in his hands. “What if I want a _different_ costume? What if Toto wants one as well? Would you make one right this second, or brush it off because it’s _only for one night?”_

Kai’s face paled, “Ah Beomgyu… we really must start the show soon. The spirits don’t wait.”

“I don’t _care_ about the spirits. They can just leave for all I care.”

“Beomgyu…”

“ _Don’t speak to me so casually.”_ Beomgyu hissed. He knew he was being unreasonable, Kai was only trying to help, but whatever he said just made Beomgyu’s blood boil more. This whole thing was stupid. The theatre should’ve just gotten someone else to perform in Soobin’s place. Taehyun, perhaps, even though he was a magician, his voice rivaled even Yeonjun and Soobin. Everyone would be pleased with that and this whole thing could blow over. Beomgyu would go back to being ignored and everyone would be happy with the spirit’s blessings.

But a small part of Beomgyu didn’t want that. He wanted to perform, even if he was just impersonating the _Fairy of Shampoo._ Even if he was just living in his brother’s shadows.

“Don’t be unreasonable,” Kai said evenly, placing the costume on the messy dresser Beomgyu hadn’t bothered to clean. “Get dressed and perform. I know you well enough to remember that you’ve wanted to for ages now.”

“I’m not being _unreasonable.”_ Beomgyu fumed, “And how do you know what I want? Last time I checked, _you_ weren’t Choi Beomgyu, were you?” Beomgyu got up from the stool he sat on, carefully placing Toto in their cage before stomping over to Kai. “Now, if you’ll _excuse me_ , I think it’s time I got ready.”

“Beomgyu,” Kai said more firmly, “Don’t be like this. Didn’t you love singing as a child? Don’t you _still_ love singing?”

“No. I don’t.” Beomgyu lied stiffly. It was true, he did love singing, and still does. But all of the ugly emotions stirring in his stomach clouded this love, turning it into something he hated. “Please leave.”

Kai groaned in frustration, “I hate it when you get like this. There’s just no convincing you, is there?” Kai steeled his features, placing his hands on his hips, “Well, if you won’t listen to reason, maybe you’ll listen to obligation. You _must_ perform. Whether you like it or not. It’s Christmas Eve. The spirits need someone to sing, and you’ve been chosen.”

“But I _haven’t_ been chosen!” Beomgyu practically screamed, “I’m only their stand in. You don’t understand because you have a _stable position_ as the costume designer. No one in this damn theatre understands. Get out before I make you.”

Kai sighed, defeated, before walking back to the door. “Okay. Fine. I'll leave. Merry Christmas Beomgyu.”

Beomgyu saw red. He grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on, a bottle of water that sat on his table innocently, and threw it at Kai’s retreating figure. “Get out! And don’t you _dare_ mention Christmas! I’ve had enough for one day.”

The door closed shut just as the water bottle hit the door frame with a pathetic excuse of a _thud,_ spilling its contents onto the carpet. Beomgyu’s shoulders deflated at the sight of the mess he had just made, physically and figuratively. He sighed for the second time that night, turning to Toto who had a disapproving look in their eyes.

Beomgyu scoffed, “Don’t give me that, Toto. He shouldn’t have been making assumptions in the first place.” A wave of guilt crashed into him and even after he said it, he knew he didn’t fully mean the words.

Toto stared back at Beomgyu with a scrutinising glare, pointing their beak towards the hideously colourful costume hanging off the end of the dresser. Beomgyu rolled his eyes, “Ugh, fine, I’ll get ready.”

Beomgyu begrudgingly got dressed in the extravagant costume, hating how the silk felt against his skin. This costume wasn’t his. This performance wasn’t _meant_ to be his. But it was his obligation, and he had to listen to the requests of the theatre if he wanted to keep his job. No matter how unimportant it usually was.

The door opened once again, leaving no room for Beomgyu to contemplate the situation any longer. The red-headed figure of Taehyun, the theatre's magician, stood in the doorway this time, an expression that could be considered a scowl on his face.

“It’s time for the performance. Everyone is waiting.” Taehyun said shortly, a clipped edge to his voice that wasn’t normally there. It was clear that he was annoyed, about what, Beomgyu could only hope that it wasn’t his harsh words with Kai from a moment ago.

Beomgyu didn’t spare Taehyun a glance, in fear of what he might find in his eyes, and walked quickly to the door. A hand stopped him, grasping his arm and making him pause in the doorway. Taehyun looked up at him, darkness clouding his expression.

“Just so you know,” He began, voice even, but his eyes betrayed the cold expression on his face, “I don’t appreciate you taking out your troubles on Kai. Obviously something’s messed you up, but that doesn’t mean you need to involve anyone else in it.”

Beomgyu tugged his arm free, much harder than was necessary. “Nothing is _messed up,_ " Beomgyu said, trying and failing to keep the defensive tone out of his voice, "But why should I explain that to you? It’s not like you’ll see me much after tonight.”

“That’s assuming Yeonjun and Soobin recover in time for the next performance,” Taehyun retorted, crossing his arms and leaning on the door frame, trapping Beomgyu in the room. "And even then you probably won't take this seriously. That must be why this theatre favours Yeonjun and Soobin over you. They _actually_ take their job seriously, and don't disappoint."

Beomgyu gritted his teeth, hands clenched into fists. "If all you were going to do was mock me, then you can leave. Unless you want the spirits of Christmas to wish misfortune on this whole town." Beomgyu inhaled deeply, attempting to calm his racing heart beat.

Taehyun said nothing, staring intently at Beomgyu for a long moment. Beomgyu was beginning to question Taehyun’s sanity when the red-headed magician sighed, shoulders slumping.

“What happened to you Beomgyu? You were so different when we were all kids…” Taehyun muttered so quietly Beomgyu had to strain his ears to hear it. And even then, he barely heard the words.

“ _Nothing happened._ ” Beomgyu seethed, already pushing his way past Taehyun and into the corridor. Why was everyone mentioning how he used to be? First Kai, and now Taehyun. Couldn’t the past just _stay_ in the past? “I have a show to perform. Weren’t you the one who told me to hurry up? And now you’re keeping everyone waiting with whatever nonsense that comes to mind.” And with that, Beomgyu strode down the corridor and towards the rehearsal room on the other end.

Taehyun gazed sadly at Beomgyu’s retreating figure before a slam of a door reverberated throughout the hallway.

─── ∙ **❅** ∙ ───

Beomgyu was never usually nervous before a performance, whether that was to do with the fact that he only performed in the background or not, he’d prefer not to know. But this time, he could feel his fingers itching for something to do and not just stay limp at his sides as his heart beat frantically in his chest.

_It’s fine. Being nervous is normal isn’t it?_ Beomgyu tried to persuade his traitorous nerves, _Just stay calm. It’s not like the whole village’s wellbeing is on your shoulders right?_

...

Maybe it wasn’t so fine after all. 

“The show’s about to start!” A nameless director shouted, sending the rest of the performers into action. Beomgyu spotted Yeonjun in the distance, engaged in a conversation with Soobin on the sidelines, who both seemed to be encouraging Taehyun for his opening act. Kai was there too, fussing over the last details in the magician’s costume, and conversing with the others as he did so.

They made quite the interesting group, loud, boisterous laughs and attracting attention with their heads of neon yellow, purple, red and brown.

Beomgyu turned away, slouching more in his seat. He sucked in a breath as Taehyun waved to the trio before slipping past the curtains tucked neatly to the side, trying once again to steady his hands and heart. The performance had begun already, the elegant music that followed Taehyun for all of his performances ringing in his ears. He didn’t need to see the stage to know what tricks he would demonstrate, being one of the magician’s volunteers plenty of times.

Maybe he wasn’t cut out to be a main act. Maybe he was better at supporting everyone else, forever forgotten in the shadows behind the bright fame that came with being a main performer of the _Star Theatre._

There was a light tap on his shoulder, and Beomgyu whipped his head around to face the kind eyes of Soobin, a gaze he didn’t expect would even look in his direction.

“Um,” Beomgyu said eloquently, “did you need something?” _How had he gotten here so fast? Wasn’t he injured?_

Soobin stifled a laugh, his purple hair falling into his eyes, “No, no. I just wanted to wish you good luck with your performance. I know how hard it can be sometimes.”

Beomgyu’s eyes widened. “Ah…” he was at a loss for words. Was Choi Soobin, the original _Fairy of Shampoo,_ congratulating him for his upcoming act? One that he basically _stole_ from him? “Not to be rude or anything,” Beomgyu began, “but I didn’t expect you to even talk to me? Like, don’t _you_ want to perform? It’s your position after all…”

“Just give up, Soobin,” A voice called from the opposite side of the backstage area, “He’s not going to accept your well wishes.”

“Yeonjun…” Soobin chastised with no real venom behind it, “You don’t know that.”

“It’s not like you’ve been _there_ to know anyway…” Beomgyu couldn’t help but mumble, causing Yeonjun to gesture to him in a silent communication with Soobin. _See?_ It seemed to say, _he’s a lost cause._

Soobin chuckled awkwardly, attempting to ease the building tension, “Anyway, I’m sure you’ll do well, Beomgyu.” An uneasy feeling settled in Beomgyu’s stomach, crawling around uncomfortably.

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, limping slightly over to the corner Beomgyu had isolated himself to. “So,” He said shortly, “Why’d you decide to suddenly become a loner?”

Soobin whacked Yeonjun on the arm in a warning, before turning to Beomgyu with a smile. “What he _means_ is, are you okay? And offers his assistance if you need it.”

“What? _No--”_ Yeonjun tried to protest before Soobin whacked him again.

Beomgyu stared skeptically at the two, aware of Kai’s presence that hovered close by. The uneasy feeling sank deeper, almost choking him. It wasn’t that he was _trying_ to avoid the costume designer, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt whenever he glimpsed Kai’s glances in his direction.

“I don’t need your help.” Beomgyu brushed off stiffly, “I’m not going to perform again after this so it’ll be a waste of your time anyway.”

There was a crash, the boxes of spare costumes Kai had been holding clashing with the wooden floorboards. The costume designer turned to Beomgyu with poorly concealed rage and spat, “Would it _kill you_ to act only a _little_ grateful for the opportunity you’ve been given?”

“Kai--” Beomgyu started helplessly before the boy in question cut him off.

“No.” Kai said, making his way across the room, “You don’t get to act all… _innocent._ Soobin is clearly wishing you good luck while everyone else was trying so hard to make the best of this performance, and all _you’ve_ done was wallow in your self pity.”

“Well _maybe_ you’re eyesight is shit, because I don’t see any of this _hard work_ to make this a good performance.” Beomgyu glared icily, “Do you call Taehyun confronting me literally minutes before his act, hard work? And he had the audacity to call _me_ out for being late.”

“That’s because you were a dick to Kai.” Yeonjun cut in, crossing his arms, “Don’t twist these facts.”

Beomgyu yelled in rage. “ _Why does everyone want to gang up on me today?_ Am I just a joke?” He definitely felt like it. Honestly, why would giving him the position as the _Fairy of Shampoo_ be anything but a joke?

“What’s a joke is the fact that you think you were _willingly_ given this position by the theatre,” Yeonjun said sarcastically, digging right into the hole full of Beomgyu’s deepest insecurities in a way only a brother could.

“ _Yeonjun--_ ” Soobin interrupted, grabbing Yeonjun’s arm to stop him from saying anymore. But the damage had already been done, and all Beomgyu saw was fuming anger and resentment. Beomgyu lunged for Yeonjun, wanting _desperately_ to punch that stupid face of his so he could feel at least some level of satisfaction. Kai wrapped his arms around Beomgyu’s shoulders, holding him in place, attempting to prevent him from doing anything he would regret.

“Do you know what it’s like?” Beomgyu yelled, thrashing and struggling in Kai’s hold, “To be pushed aside constantly for _you_ to perform, and for _you_ to do _literally anything_. Do you know how many requests I had rejected? So that _you_ could do your silly little dancing routines in the streets?” He struggled again, pushing Kai’s arms off him and sending Kai stumbling into the nearest wall. The costume designer cried out in pain, clutching his hand as Soobin rushed to his side.

“It looks like his wrist is broken.” Soobin reported, his voice monotonous and barely reaching Beongyu’s ears. All he could think about was the raging fire in his heart that threatened to rip him apart, telling him to do unspeakable things which would certainly end his career before it even started.

“Do _you_ know what it’s like?” Kai screamed back, “To try _over and over again_ to help a friend and they just won’t listen? To have all your efforts reduced to nothing because they’re so _damn_ stubborn?”

“Oh really?” Beomgyu hissed, “You’re pulling _that_ card? So I’ll feel sympathy for you and go back to being a stage assistant after this performance?”

“Urgh! You’re so _infuriating,_ ” Kai had almost reached his limit, and Taehyun’s performance was only halfway through, still expecting many others before Beomgyu’s final act. “Why did I even bother helping you in the first place?”

Beomgyu stilled at that. Hardly getting to process Kai’s words before Yeonjun huffed in annoyance, seeming to have also had enough, once again crossing his arms and glaring in Beomgyu’s direction. “Did you ever stop and think that maybe you’re only in this position because Kai sent in a recommendation once Soobin and I got injured? Didn’t you think it was odd that we didn’t offer to sing while sitting on a stool?” Yeonjun cocked an eyebrow sarcastically, “We don’t need our legs to sing y’know.”

“As if I would believe a lie like that!” Beomgyu said, outraged. Did Yeonjun _really_ think that he could fool Beomgyu?

Yeonjun threw up his hands, exasperated, “I don’t know why I bother.”

“I don’t know either,” Beomgyu retorted hotly, turning away from the group and retreating to another corner as his original one just got invaded, “Maybe you should just not bother then. Leave me alone and don’t talk to me.”

“Gladly.”

Soobin sighed from the corner, still examining Kai’s injury. “Yeonjun… Beomgyu… It’s never good to leave things on a bad note.”

“Will you _shut up?”_ Beomgyu turned around swiftly, spinning on his heel, “I don’t want to hear it. I’m going to perform, and once I do, you’ll never see me again. So just forget it.” And with that, he continued his journey to the furthest corner of the room he could find, ignoring the unmistakable guilt pooling in his stomach.

He really wished this night would just end. Then he could forget this whole mess even existed and go back to his life before. Where he was just a stage assistant, where he would hide in Yeonjun and Soobin’s shadows, where he would ignore everyone else in the theatre and hang out with Toto.

He just wanted things to go back to normal.

─── ∙ **❅** ∙ ───

Taehyun’s performance finished sooner than Beomgyu would have liked, giving him much less time to sort out his emotions than he needed.

A series of emotions flashed through Taehyun’s eyes as the magician spotted Kai’s figure, now slouched on a bench with Yeonjun by his side and a clearly broken wrist in Soobin’s hands. Anger, uncertainty, realisation, then anger once again passing through his face, gaze flitting to Beomgyu for a split second. Beomgyu could do nothing but look away and hope Taehyun wouldn’t talk to him as the magician made his way backstage to try and fix the undoubtedly disastrous mess Beomgyu had caused.

There were low mutters in the opposite corner, no doubt an explanation of what had happened while Taehyun was gone. The loud call for the next performer to get on stage interrupted their chatter, and a lively pair of jesters hopped past them, disappearing behind the bright red curtains.

Beomgyu avoided any eye contact, staring intently at the cracks between the wooden floorboards, attempting to calm his nerves again. But it was a little hard to focus when he could feel piercing gazes burning holes onto his back. He squirmed in his seat, reciting the song lyrics to himself as a distraction. Beomgyu would never admit it, but the song was one of his favourites as a child, when the theatre was just his home and Yeonjun and Soobin were just his brothers. Where they would play together on Christmas Eve and listen to their mother sing the very same song behind the blood red curtains.

Thoughts of the past clouded his mind, memories of when he and his brothers first met Taehyun and Kai at the _Star Festival_ , an event he hadn't been to in a long time, memories of when Beomgyu was first given Toto, ironically as a Christmas present.

It was these things which struck a chord within Beomgyu's heart, the small and mundane things that really didn't seem that special in hindsight. But he remembered the joy he had felt seeing Toto for the first time, a little bow stuck carefully on the bird's head, he remembered the friendship he had shared with his brothers and Taehyun and Kai, he remembered all the kinds of mischief they would get up to, especially at Christmas time.

Beomgyu released a soft sigh. He couldn't be nostalgic now. He had a job to do, and besides, it wasn't like those times in his childhood would come back. He'd messed up the friendship he shared with the four boys in the opposite corner, who were now glaring daggers at him. He had ruined his most precious memories by being controlled by his jealousy, and he was now paying the price for it.

_I don't deserve to sing tonight._

As if it were magic, the time had suddenly flown by, and it was now time for Beomgyu's final act. With a racing heart and trembling legs, Beomgyu made his way past the curtains and down the side of the stage, ready to begin his performance. The lights dimmed, and the curtains rose, revealing Beomgyu to the audience. A singular spotlight shone down upon him, too hot and too unfamiliar. He wasn't used to being the centre of attention, and Beomgyu found his eyes travelling down to the floorboards once again.

Beomgyu breathed in a deep breath as the music started, preparing to begin his performance. Even with all the turbulent thoughts swirling in his mind, Beomgyu still wanted to impress, still wanted to instil the same jealousy that had plagued him for so long onto Yeonjun and Soobin. To one day make them and the rest of the theatre recognise his skills.

Maybe it was this twisted feeling that curled up Beomgyu's spine and wanted to make itself known to everyone sitting in the cramped theatre, maybe it was spite, but all Beomgyu knew was that something was wrong. By now, the Spirits of Christmas would have blessed _Star Theatre_ with their presence, filling the area with blinding light, blessing the town for another year.

But there were no bright lights, only the spotlight which shone onto Beomgyu, as if it were calling him out, shouting, _he messed up! He did something wrong! This wouldn't have happened if it were Yeonjun or Soobin!_

And because of this, there were no blessings.

Halfway through the song, Beomgyu started to panic. He initially thought that maybe the spirits were late, or that they were judging his first performance. But as the notes got closer and closer to its finally, and the room got darker and darker, still no sign of the heavenly presence of the Spirits of Christmas, Beomgyu started to lose hope.

_Of course it wouldn't work for me. The Spirits must only like Yeonjun and Soobin. They know I'm a fraud and have rejected me._

It was then that Beomgyu felt a chill on his shoulders. He refused to turn around, to keep his appearance up in case the Spirits did decide to show last minute. He felt an icy breeze at his ear, and, fighting the urge to shiver, he heard a voice.

_You are not worthy._

Beomgyu froze as the song conveniently ended. He stood there, rooted in place as more words made their way into his ears.

_You are fuelled by evil emotions. Your thoughts are clouded by your judgement of what others may think, and what you think of yourself._

_We will not accept any more attempts tonight. Not from you or the others. We will visit when the clock strikes midnight. Prove to us that you are capable of growing into someone worthy of protecting Magic Island._

The voice dissipated, leaving the cool air of winter behind with it. Beomgyu was still frozen in place, even as the curtains fell and outraged chatter filled the room. Concerned glances from Soobin were directed his way, as well as the occasional skeptical look from Yeonjun and Taehyun. There was the puzzled expression on Kai's face, as if he couldn't fathom why the performance wasn’t a success.

But Beomgyu knew the truth. The spirits had _rejected_ him, calling his motives evil and misguided. Telling him to change so that the town could live in the peace it always had. Even though Beomgyu knew what he had to do to save the town from droughts or worse, he wasn't so sure he could manage it.

After all, everything that he was in that moment was just a shell of who he could've been, if things were different.


	2. nap of a star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to go home.” Beomgyu whispered harshly to the spirit, who didn’t budge from their place in the snow. “I said I want to go home!” Beomgyu repeated with a hiss, almost shoving the spirit in attempt to get it to listen to him. If it weren’t for it wearing Soobin’s face like it would change something within him, he probably would have. 
> 
> “This is something you must see.” ‘Soobin’ replied with a hint of sadness Beomgyu refused to believe was there.
> 
> “It’s not” Beomgyu retorted quickly, almost panicked, the foreboding feeling of dread filling his stomach, “I already know what happens. They’re my memories – please, I already know—"
> 
> Any further protest that Beomgyu could make was cut off with a piercing yell that shocked everyone in the small corner, past or present.  
> .  
> .  
> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii again~~! its been like... a month or two.... sorry about that hahaha idk why it took me so long to finish this honestly, i literally had most of it written already... 
> 
> ANYWAYS inspiration struck this is the rewarddd I HOPE YOU ENJOY! 
> 
> this chapter came out a little more angsty that i intended but oh well... ITS FOR THE PLOT I SWEAR

That night, Beomgyu lied awake for what felt like hours, each tick of the clock indicating one second closer to midnight. Part of him expected the chilly voice to be lying, that the Spirits of Christmas wouldn’t visit him at midnight, that they wouldn’t give him a second chance and leave the town to cope with Beomgyu’s mistakes. 

But a part of him also wanted it to be true. He wanted to be able to prove himself, to utilise this second chance. He wanted to be able to fix _something_ that he had ruined – if he wasn’t able to fix his broken friendships. 

Beomgyu tossed and turned, unable to stay still. The room had grown chiller since he got into bed, the blankets he was currently bundled under doing nothing to warm his freezing hands. Beomgyu turned once again, catching the inquisitive stare of Toto, who gestured with their beak towards the window. 

Beomgyu rolled his eyes, stifling a small laugh, “You’re cold too, Toto?” before slipping out of his blankets and padding his way over towards the window. 

The cool winter breeze flew across his cheeks as he reached the open window. Beomgyu’s brows creased in confusion at the sight. He didn’t remember leaving it open, but if it wasn’t him then who..?

Beomgyu suddenly felt a freezing hand on his shoulder, jumping at the startling contact. He cursed lightly, before whipping his head around to face whatever had just touched him. 

He didn’t expect to _recognise_ it. Or rather, him. 

Beomgyu froze at the sight, not expecting to see him – or anyone really – so soon after all that he had done. The kind eyes of Soobin stared back at him, smiling softly, as if waiting for him to regain his grasp on reality. Rationally, Beomgyu knew that it couldn’t really be Soobin. After all, Beomgyu had royally fucked up any hope of friendship with him and the others after his outburst backstage. But Beomgyu couldn’t help the familiar swirl of guilt in his stomach every time he saw a glimpse of Soobin before going to bed that night, and this time was no different.

The more he gazed at him, the more Beomgyu saw the differences between this Soobin and the one he knew. Firstly, this Soobin was literally _floating,_ which really, shouldn’t even be possible but Beomgyu didn’t dare question it, and secondly, this Soobin seemed to reflect the illuminating glow of the moonlight shining through the window, appearing somewhat transparent -- ghostly even. His features shimmered like a ripple in a pond, and his eyes reflected the starry night sky. 

“You’re not actually Soobin, are you?” Beomgyu asked cautiously, saving the more obvious questions like how something so ghostly looking even existed. 

The ‘ghost’ just widened his smile, “No, not really.” 

“Then who are you?” Beomgyu questioned, wanting answers but afraid of the response.

“You could say I’m a reflection. Of past memories, current experiences or even future events.” The ‘ghost’ -- ‘reflection’, or whatever it was, replied, shimmering once again, “but one could also say I’m a Spirit of Christmas. But you may think of me as Soobin if that makes it easier for you to process.” 

“Ah, shit.” _So the Spirits weren’t lying after all._ “Which one are you then?”

The Spirit or ‘Soobin’ smiled in amusement, “Well, _that’s_ certainly one way to be greeted.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Beomgyu grumbled, crossing his arms and leaning against the still open window sill, the cool breeze seeping into the cloth of his night shirt. “And neither does it explain why you’re here in the first place.” 

‘Soobin’s’ smile widened as he chuckled, “Wasn’t it obvious? I am the first of the three Spirits, The Spirit of Christmas Past, and I am here to place judgement on you. To determine whether you and the rest of Magic Island are worthy of The Spirits of Christmas’ blessings.” 

Beomgyu shivered at the unwavering smile ‘Soobin’ plastered on his face, too bright to be anything but unsettling. “ _I know that.”_ Beomgyu gritted out, jaw clenched. 

“Then why do you hesitate? Or even ask to begin with?” ‘Soobin’ said, his turn to question. Eyes wide and piercing. “Why do you resist the kindness that those around you have shown?” 

Beomgyu chose to ignore those questions, “Is that why you look like Soobin? Was that to mock me?” 

‘Soobin’ sighed, “You still do not understand then.” He paused, seemingly contemplative, “Very well. If this is what it takes, then so be it.” His eyes snapped up to meet Beomgyu’s, and a cold hand grabbed his wrist. “My purpose is to make you understand anyway. I will be taking you on a journey, so be prepared!”

Beomgyu could barely process ‘Soobin’s’ words, a careless, “Wait, where are we--” leaving his mouth before a flash of golden light illuminated the whole room. Toto startled from their place on the dresser, flying over to Beomgyu’s shoulder where they rested there as ‘Soobin’ led the pair through the light.

Beomgyu squinted as the light began to fade after a few moments before taking in his new surroundings. He, Toto and ‘Soobin’ stood in the corner of a small room, devoid of all Christmas decorations despite the calendar on the wall stating ‘ _DECEMBER’_ in bold text. Beomgyu’s eyes trailed over the dinner table, obviously intended for one person, and the white carpet blanketing the floorboards that Beomgyu wasn’t sure how he knew were there. He saw colourless walls against a grey bed and a window sill covered with snow on the outside, the appearance painting the picture of a greyscale room, as if it sucked out the usual brightness and cheerfulness of the Christmas season. 

But it was the lonely, bright red stocking that caught Beomgyu’s attention amongst the monochrome, plastered with poorly cut paper stars, and filled with hopes and dreams that would never come true, so familiar and foreign at the same time. It was like he was looking at a stranger’s room instead of his own, but a stranger who he had known all his life. 

“...why are we here?” Beomgyu asked stiffly, scanning the room over once again. He determined it to be the bedroom he used during his childhood, located on the top floor of the _Star Theatre,_ now abandoned, and transformed into a storage room once the theatre was refurbished in the present. 

(Even though nothing had really changed.)

“I’m sure you will find the answer eventually.” ‘Soobin’ replied, also looking around the room, before frowning and muttering quietly, “I did not think it would be like this though...” 

“What did you expect?” Beomgyu huffed, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

“Where are all the decorations?” ‘Soobin’ complained almost hysterically, “Why is there only a stocking? Why is it so…”

“Grey?” 

“...Sad.”

Beomgyu didn’t know what to say to that, so he avoided ‘Soobin’s’ questioning glances and opted to look around the room once again, despite knowing where and what everything was anyway. He traced the familiar dents of the table with his finger idly, getting lost in memories of the past, of a better time where he was happier.

“If we come across my past self,” Beomgyu began quietly, stroking Toto’s feathers to calm the distressed bird, “Will he be able to see us?” 

“No,” ‘Soobin’ said, “We will appear invisible to anyone in the past.” 

Before Beomgyu could reply, the door to the small room opened abruptly, revealing Beomgyu’s younger self who threw himself onto his bed angrily, stifling a frustrated sob. A series of yells and loud footsteps followed the child, no doubt Beomgyu’s mother, who appeared in the doorway a second later. 

“Choi Beomgyu!” She yelled, causing both Beomgyu’s past and future self to jump in surprise. “What do you think you are doing? Why have I not heard you practicing for the past ten minutes or so?” She asked sternly, earning a scoff from the younger Beomgyu. 

“It’s not like I’ll lose anything from taking a break.” Young Beomgyu mumbled into his pillow, refusing to look in his mother’s direction. 

His mother tapped her foot impatiently, “Your brothers are still practicing. Do not forget that you three will be the future of this theatre.” 

“ _So?”_ Young Beomgyu whipped his head around, throwing his pillow onto the floor.

This was obviously the wrong decision, his mother’s eyes turning to slits, “Do _not_ use that tone on me. Pick up that pillow and come here. Stand in front of me so I can look at you.”

Young Beomgyu was rightfully cautious, slowly returning the pillow to its place on his bed, startling at his mother’s impatient claps for him to hurry up. It was barely a second that he stood in front of his mother before a hand came crashing down, slapping him square on the cheek. He did not look up, but Present Beomgyu could still feel the impact of the first and only slap his mother had given him, before telling him to get out of the house. There was only one way this would go down, and it wasn’t even the worst of it.

Beomgyu turned hurriedly to ‘Soobin’, who had gone quiet during the ordeal, “I don’t need to see anymore.”

‘Soobin’ raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure about that?”

“ _Yes,”_ Beomgyu hissed, ignoring the shouts of his mother and younger self in the background, “I already know what happens. She slaps me and tells me what a disgrace I am to the family before sending me outside for a bit.” 

“Very well.” ‘Soobin’ clicked his fingers and the scene changed, filling Beomgyu’s vision with a blanket of white snow, with various tents and booths illuminated by strings of Christmas lights in the dark of the night. The trees in the neighbouring forest were decorated with tinsel and their fair share of lights, shaped into small stars that glittered in the darkness; a colourful contrast from Beomgyu’s old bedroom. 

Beomgyu knew this place – The _Star Festival –_ he had spent many Christmases here, laughing with his friends and enjoying the festivities. This place was only in his memories, a blurry haze of better times, and now that he was here, Beomgyu didn’t know what to do with himself.

“I am sure that you remember the festival well?” ‘Soobin’ asked, glancing briefly at Beomgyu. Beomgyu nodded, unable to speak as his mind was flooded with childhood memories. For a moment, the two of them stood on the outskirts of the festival, watching as children and adults alike danced to the steady beats of the musicians, before walking through the festival themselves. 

Toto squawked from Beomgyu’s shoulder, earning a concerned look from the boy, who asked in a hushed whisper, “Is something wrong Toto?” 

The bird gestured behind them, the direction from where they came and squawked again. Beomgyu turned around, squinting to see through the faraway darkness before spotting three figures running towards two others. 

Really, Beomgyu should have been prepared for this. It _was_ his memories after all, but perhaps he just wasn’t ready to see the absolute joy on his younger self’s face as he ran towards his friends, the very friends in fact, that he snapped at only a few hours ago. Neither Yeonjun nor Soobin’s hair was as brightly coloured as it is in the present, but their smiles were unmistakable as the two of them ran together with Younger Beomgyu to greet Taehyun and Kai. 

‘Soobin’ motioned for Beomgyu to follow him, bringing them closer to the group. Beomgyu wasn’t worried about being spotted by them, given that ‘Soobin’ had made sure it was clear no one could see them. But even so, nerves crawled around in Beomgyu’s stomach, making him hesitate before following The Spirit of Christmas Past.

“Ah! You three made it!” Kai’s voice filled Beomgyu’s ears and a fresh wave of guilt passed over him. Even though the voice was years younger, it still brought the ugly feeling of regret into Beomgyu’s stomach. 

“Of course we did!” Yeonjun replied cheerfully, slinging his arms across Soobin and Beomgyu’s shoulders, “It’s tradition after all.” 

_Tradition, huh?_ Beomgyu thought bitterly, knowing that this supposed ‘tradition’ ended that year, as did any real connection the five of them had as children. 

As the children of the past talked and laughed amongst themselves, wandering over to the booths, tents and food stalls, enjoying each other’s company and the festivities around them, Beomgyu wondered where it all went wrong. Was he really that bad of a friend? Or was he too much of a coward to admit his jealousy as those around him excelled where he had not? 

After ten or so minutes, the younger Yeonjun caught his friend’s attention before pulling them towards the outskirts of the festival. 

“Where are we going?” Younger Beomgyu asked, knowing the kinds of stunts Yeonjun had pulled in the past. 

“Not far.” Yeonjun replied, a mischievous smile stretching its way onto his face, “Just somewhere that we won’t be heard. I have a plan.” 

Beomgyu watched the group of children as ‘Soobin’ dragged him by the arm, reminiscent of how the younger Yeonjun had just before, and led him through another flash of bright light. The scenery changed once again, now surrounded by colourfully decorated trees that towered over the pair. The soft glow from the Christmas lights that hugged the trees illuminated a small corner, tucked away neatly from the rest of the festival but still partially visible from the venue. 

It was there that the younger Yeonjun finished dragging his increasingly confused friends, before turning around to face them once again. “Have you heard of why this festival is called the ‘ _Star Festival’?”_

Young Taehyun pondered the question for a moment while the others shrugged in confusion. “It’s something to do with the stars, right?” 

Young Yeonjun nodded, “They say that during _The Star Festival,_ the stars glow their brightest, and that a promise made under these stars will last forever.” 

“A promise?” Young Soobin repeated in question, “What kind of promise?” 

“It can be anything,” Yeonjun said, pointing to the clusters of brightly shining stars, illuminating the dark blackness of the night sky, “A wish, a request. Whatever it is, it will always be fulfilled.” 

“ _We_ should make a promise!” Young Kai exclaimed excitedly. In Beomgyu’s memories, he was always the one to jump at the idea of an adventure or anything that could be exciting, being the youngest. Maybe that was why the Kai of the future was determined to help Beomgyu, his tendency to never give up was stronger than Beomgyu’s could ever be. 

(However, even Kai had given up on Beomgyu in the end.)

“But what would we wish for?” Beomgyu heard the younger version of himself say, and even then, Beomgyu was prone to questioning things, asking himself whether something would be dangerous or would get him in trouble. 

“Something happy.” Kai said simply, gazing at the twinkling stars. 

“Maybe something as simple as staying together?” Young Taehyun suggested, “Or staying friends for as long as we can?”

“I like that!” Young Soobin agreed, a dimpled smile stretching across soft features as the others nodded with the same enthusiasm. 

“Does the story say whether the promise needs to be made at a specific place or time?” Young Beomgyu asked the younger Yeonjun, who shook his head.

“The promise just needs to be strong and can’t get broken during the _Star Festival._ ” 

With that, the five of them held each other’s hands and stood in a circle for extra effect, matching the curve of the trees behind them. Beomgyu remembers thinking that if they were going to make a promise, it should be done right.

And it might have. If their promise wasn’t broken so suddenly.

The Beomgyu of the future didn’t remember much of his childhood, only this fateful _Star Festival_ and a few other random memories here and there. Getting angry at Yeonjun and stealing one of his toys or picking out new breads to try with Soobin. But even then, he didn’t remember much of those memories, only the intentions and emotions he felt. 

But this memory was different. This memory had been engraved in his mind since he awoke the next day, mind numbed, and heart broken. 

“I want to go home.” Beomgyu whispered harshly to the spirit, who didn’t budge from their place in the snow. “I _said_ I want to go home!” Beomgyu repeated with a hiss, almost shoving the spirit in attempt to get it to listen to him. If it weren’t for it wearing Soobin’s face like it would change something within him, he probably would have. 

“This is something you must see.” ‘Soobin’ replied with a hint of sadness Beomgyu refused to believe was there.

“It’s not _”_ Beomgyu retorted quickly, almost panicked, the foreboding feeling of dread filling his stomach, “I _already know_ what happens. They’re _my_ memories – _please, I already know—"_

Any further protest that Beomgyu could make was cut off with a piercing yell that shocked everyone in the small corner, past or present. 

“So, _this_ is where you three have been?” Beomgyu’s mother seethed in barely contained rage, the flashlight from her phone shining harshly into the small corner. Beomgyu had to turn away from the strain, not knowing how his younger self had tolerated such a bright light. 

“It’s not their fault—” Kai tried to speak but was instantly cut off by Beomgyu’s mother.

“ _Be quiet,_ this does not concern you.” She marched over to where the younger Beomgyu stood on shaky legs, refusing to meet eye contact. “Thanks to my youngest son—” she jabbed a finger at young Beomgyu for emphasis— “your little _stunt_ is ruined, and you will continue you lessons as intended. _With no Christmas break._ ” 

_“What?”_ Yeonjun whispered in disbelief, turning to the younger Beomgyu with something akin to betrayal in his eyes. “What is she talking about?” 

“I—” The younger Beomgyu struggled for words, “I didn’t _mean to—”_

“Do not lie, Choi Beomgyu.” His mother interrupted, “You know full well what you did.”

“What did he do?” Soobin asked, equal amounts of hurt and betrayal on his face. 

“See for yourself,” The sibling’s mother held up her phone, a series of text messages appearing on the screen. 

_“I’m sorry for not listening to you earlier, I’ll tell you where we are as an apology’?”_ Yeonjun read out slowly, eyes flicking up to where the younger Beomgyu stood, squirming under the harsh gaze. “Is this why you were on your phone earlier? To rat us out?”

_“What? No—”_ Beomgyu tried to protest, “It’s not _like that.”_

“Then what is it like?” Soobin interrupted before Yeonjun could reply, knowing it probably wouldn’t end well otherwise. 

“I— I just—” Beomgyu stuttered, “I just wanted… to be useful.” 

“ _To be useful?”_ Yeonjun repeated incredulously, raising his eyebrows “really?” 

_“Yes!”_ The younger Beomgyu said, hysteria creeping its way into his voice, “Do you know what it’s like to live in your shadow, Yeonjun? I’m always compared to you and Soobin, so _of course_ I’d want to feel like I’m doing something! To be useful in some way!” 

“And this is the way you went about that?” Soobin asked, harsher than he’d intended it. “You could’ve talked to us. We’d be happy to help you!” 

“You don’t understand.” Beomgyu answered, “I don’t think you ever will.” 

“Oh, _come on.”_ Yeonjun rolled his eyes, pulling Soobin away from Beomgyu, “We should just leave. Clearly Beomgyu isn’t going to listen to us. This whole festival is messed up now.”

“W-Wait!” Kai called from the corner of the trees, “We shouldn’t end the year with a fight like this!” 

“Kai’s right,” Taehyun agreed, expression set in determination, “The three of you will regret it later on.”

“ _Shut up!”_ The younger Beomgyu yelled, causing everyone to flinch, even his future self. Beomgyu didn’t remember sounding so broken in this moment, nor did he remember how his face twisted in rage and hatred, that burning gaze directed at the only people who had made him feel at home in his gloomy, monochrome life. "None of you understand anything! _I'll regret it?_ Ha! Don't make me laugh. The only thing I'll regret is wasting my time on this _stupid_ festival, on this _stupid_ thing I thought was friendship." 

_That's not true--_

Beomgyu saw his friends' faces visibly lose colour, Yeonjun clenching his fists in poorly controlled anger. He saw Kai's mouth snap shut, and his words dying in his throat. He saw Taehyun and Soobin look at one another, concern and hurt written on their faces. 

_That's not-- It's not what I meant-- That's not true--_

He saw his mother smile. It was soft and delicate, beautiful even, on any other occasion. But to Beomgyu it fit all wrong on her features, like it was never meant to be there. It was a smile he wanted to forget. 

  
  


"I want to go home." Beomgyu whispered again to 'Soobin', hoping that it was the last time. The desperate cries faded into the distance as Beomgyu stared at the snowy ground. 

'Soobin' s shoulders slumped in resignation a sigh escaping his lips. "I think it's time. You've seen all you need to." 

With an unenthusiastic flourish, the shimmering light appeared once again, it's golden hue anything but warm and comforting in the chilly darkness. Toto nudged Beomgyu's shoulder reassuringly and Beomgyu gave a helpless smile in return. Toto had always been there, in his darkest times, in the times when he screwed up and hated himself, they were there. It was nice to know he hadn't ruined _one_ friendship. 

'Soobin' guided Beomgyu towards the light, the pair stepping through, leaving the winter's night behind as it rippled out of view. Before Beomgyu could blink, he was back in his bedroom, covers thrown off and tables messy. It was a sad sight, to return to the place of his internalised suffering when he had momentarily been surrounded by the familiar warmth of love and family. Only to have it ripped away once again. 

Beomgyu sighed heavily, turning around to face The Spirit of Christmas Past, who shimmered peacefully in the moonlight like they hadn't just shown Beomgyu his worst memory that constantly kept him up at night. 

"... Are we done here?" Beomgyu narrowed his eyes, questioning the Spirit. 

"Perhaps." They answered, still wearing Soobin's face like a mask. "Have you learned anything from this experience?" 

"Apart from the fact that I'm a massive asshole? No."

The spirit rolled their eyes, "Are you certain? Did _nothing_ change anything within you? Did it all just fly over your head?" 

"What was I _supposed_ to learn?" Beomgyu said, "Was I meant to do anything specific? You just showed me the one thing I've hated _so much_ about myself, and you expect me to be fine afterwards?" 

"That is not what I am saying." 

"Oh? So you're sadistic? You like seeing people suffer?" 

The spirit exhaled deeply, as if trying to release all the annoyance they had contained up until now. "It appears that you do not understand. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this but…" they trailed off, leaving Beomgyu nervous for what was to come. "It seems as if I am not enough to cure whatever has taken root inside your heart. I will be taking my leave, expect to see the next spirit here soon." 

The Spirit paused, looking contemplatively at Beomgyu, their appearance shifting and rippling as they said, voice echoing in the distance, "But I hope you find what you are searching so desperately for."

And with that, The Spirit of Christmas Past disappeared entirely, leaving Beomgyu to stare at the spot it floated at only seconds before. He cursed once, then twice, before storming over to his desk. He kicked the chair, pain travelling up his foot and through his leg, resting in the pit of his stomach where it simmered. A constant reminder. He kicked the poor chair again, and again, but it didn't matter to him. It was what he deserved after all, and the only thing he could do now. If he punished himself, then maybe God, The Spirits, or whoever the fuck was up there would forgive him. 

Toto squawked in distress, flapping their wings as Beomgyu's ankle began to bruise. It was then that Beomgyu released a defeated whimper, sinking to the ground, pressing the heels of his palms onto his eyes and begging himself not to cry. He wouldn't cry over something as pointless as this. He _wouldn't._

But as the night drew on, Toto resting on his shoulder and ankle throbbing, Beomgyu felt a single tear slip from beneath his palms. 

_How pathetic._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phewww its done! sorry if it was a bit shorter than last chapter haha i had initially planned for this to be a oneshot for christmas but i wasn't near finished by the 25th so i split it into chapters!
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed anyways and that i was worth the wait! i'll try to be more consistent. i really want to finish this!
> 
> ANYWAY! thanks again for reading ily :D

**Author's Note:**

> well! that's it for the first chapter! 
> 
> those of you who stayed until the end, i hope you enjoyed! i am open to feedback and such, so don't be afraid to comment! (unless you don't want to which is fine!) 
> 
> ANYWAYS!!! the second part is almost finished, but i want to at least have a start on the third chapter before i post the second one, so i hope you're still interested by the time it goes up! 
> 
> thank you again for reading!  
> :D


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